you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
