They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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