Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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