if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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