I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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