I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
