ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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