Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Bring me that man meat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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