Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
