Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
