He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
