So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
