your parents love me but you hate me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
