We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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