he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
