I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
