dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
