Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
