Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize