i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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