I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
