It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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