so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
