ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
