If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
