Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
