So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
