so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
