so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
