Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
