Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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