he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
