Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize