You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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