your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
