Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
