OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
