I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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