Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
