38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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