Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
