we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
