i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
