And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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