just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
