So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
