ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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