Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
