DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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