I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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