I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize