I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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