there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
