Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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