Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
