FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
