tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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