I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
