I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
