Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
