i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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