This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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