Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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