STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
