You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
