No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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