Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
