dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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