Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
