What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So many bounce houses so little time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
