I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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