like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
