probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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