You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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