You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
