she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
