I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
