i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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