if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
