Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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