A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
