I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize