We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
