So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
