Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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