I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
