please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
