The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
