I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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