lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
