BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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